I am trying to shift gears from optimistic realism to plain old hopefulness. While on maintenance chemo for the last two years I was certain that I would have a cancer recurrence by this time in my journey. I didn't fear it or dread it, I accepted it as my reality. At my last oncology visit when discussing the good results, I again brought up the plan for when my cancer returns. The response from my doctor was "if" cancer returns. I scoffed off the comment as unrealistic, but it did plant a seed in my brain. Two years of progression free survival is a huge deal for ovarian cancer, so maybe, (just maybe) my excellent response from chemo, surgery, maintenance and clinical trial participation would me my ticket to long term effects. Whenever I have spoken of my scan results, I have always used words like "stable" or "no evidence of disease", I had never uttered the words cancer free until I called into a radio talk show and shared what was making me smile (John Williams, WGN, Bright Side of Life segment). Without planning for what words I would actually say, and not expecting to get through in the first place, the words "two years cancer free" popped out of my mouth. Over the last days I realized that the idea of being cancer free never even crossed my mind--since diagnosis, I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop... |
AuthorBarb Schlatter Archives
May 2022
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